This biweekly newsletter has an essay + a reflection prompt, recommended resources and upcoming gatherings + offerings, including Journal Circle + the Big Beautiful Brainstorm.

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⏸️ What might it be like to take your time?

One of the things that has been coming up in a lot of my conversations lately is the pressure to react quickly to incoming information. Practical, everyday examples, like responding to emails really quickly, or doing a task as soon as asked to do it.

There’s a lot of productivity advice that tells you to do this. The “if it can be done within 5 minutes, do it as soon as you think of it” crowd (very clearly NOT neurodivergent 😅). And certainly there are times where it’s important for us to be able to move quickly and act decisively. But realistically, that’s not most of the time. Most of the time, I suspect this can be rooted in a sense of being uncomfortable or sensitive to uncertainty, of wanting to alleviate the discomfort of becoming aware of someone else’s expectation.

This can be really dangerous, because it can derail us from our priorities. From the things you’ve decided are important in your life, or to your work, or in your day — and all of a sudden, you’re now down this rabbit hole of helping someone else resolve something on their end, whether it’s a true emergency or not.

We’re used to treating a lot of things in this world like emergencies. I certainly am, having spent the two decades in ad agencies and corporate environments. “The client needs it yesterday.” “Feedback only just came in at 4pm, but it’s still due end of day.” The world of sprints, quick turnarounds, and too few hands doing too much work in the wake of downsizing, layoffs and mismanagement.

Reactivity is a song of scarcity.

A big part of how we get derailed here can be a lack of self trust about how much time we have, or how much attention we have — comes from this sense of, if I don’t do it now, I won’t get back to it later. Or if I say no, then they won’t want to work with me again in the future. Or that, my priorities aren’t all that important in the grand scheme of things anyway.

How unusual to take the time to slow down and consider, what’s really working for you here and what’s not? How can I meet this request that someone else is making, that requires my attention and my time, yet how can I choose to engage in a way that honours what I’m capable of giving in this moment? How can I respond, instead of react?

My relationship with work has often been oriented around how much I can get through as quickly as possible. Because there’s always too much to do and potentially more incoming at any given time. And a lot of that comes from living in a body through a few decades of managing decisions and timelines made by people other than me. It exists in my body now, as part of my default programming, this sensitivity to spring to attention (double, maybe, triple that default if you were also socialized as a woman 💕).

When that happens — when you get that telltale ping from your Slack or banner from your inbox — I’m just going to invite you to notice what happens in your body. When you get an email after work hours, and you happen to notice it before bed. How does it feel, as a sensation, in your body? Maybe it’s a little bit itchy or fast or hot or fluttery. Where do you feel it?

Sometimes I experience that request as a heavy little storm cloud in my chest, threatening rain, that just follows me around until I deal with it. Sometimes it is an oil slick in the pit of my belly.

Simply notice: what do I experience in my body when there’s a request for my attention? And, second part, what thoughts or feelings might come along with that sensation?

We tend to focus on the thought first, but often those thoughts are how our brain is making sense of what’s occurring in our bodies. How our bodies process danger moves much faster than our minds do. Our brains rationalize the sensation and call it a thought, or an emotion, or “ah yes, this story” and suddenly we’re back in some old programming.

So I just invite you to notice that discomfort. If you find the discomfort really challenging, maybe make it a practice to sit with the discomfort of an unmet request for a little bit longer than you’re used to. If you would normally respond immediately, what might it be like to wait for a half hour, or even five minutes? What might it be like to hold uncomfortable material in this way? What might it be like to even THINK about practicing this? Notice that too.

There are very few things that require you to jump on it within the very moment you’ve received it. So you could take this as an opportunity to practice what it is like sitting with something uncomfortable.

Take a moment to remember, you’re BIGGER than that itchy feeling. You can pause and simply get to know it a little bit better before acting. What if it were just this sensation itself, and you don’t have to make meaning out of it?

Because your ability to be bigger than uncomfortable sensations is going to be one of the most beneficial skills to cultivating anything you want. To deepening your relationships with other people. To deepening your relationship with yourself and your own needs. To building a pathway to a side hustle or calling that could be your exit strategy from the kind of work you have to do right now. And to understanding where you’re at, what you’re working with, and being able to name the dynamics that are on the front burner for you. All of those things require responding thoughtfully, patiently, to A LOT of discomfort.

So when that feeling shows up, welcome it. Take a pause. It’s giving you the chance to practice a skill that will be important to your ability to continue showing up for yourself, your inner self. And it’s going to give you the ability to work with more complex stuff in the future 🩷

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Upcomings

✨ I’m offering new ways to work with me one on one! I have just soft-launched the Big Beautiful Brainstorm, a 75min session where you unpack the drawers of whatever you’ve been thinking about/working on/dreaming up, and we talk it through. What are your challenges? Where are you feeling stuck? Why is this THING so hard to put into words, and what’s at the big beating heart of it?

I’ll follow up with a summary of our convo with next steps and supportive resources for you. This offering blends my work as an integral coach with my work as a brand + naming strategist for the past decade and a half, since many folks need support that can do BOTH (to figure out your next steps and nurture the confidence to actually take them). Let me know if you have any questions or if you’re interested in getting curious with me! 💐

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✨ Our next coworking session will be on October 30, at 12pm. In November, I’ll be offering these WEEKLY and shifting the time a little later, at 1pm ET / 10 am PT. Join us and sign up for the series or a session!

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✨ The next Journal Circle is happening on Thursday, November 16 and we’ll be getting started at the new usual time 8pm ET / 5pm PT. I’d love to see you at our next evening of connection and reflection ✏️

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Noticings

🕊️ I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the actual emergency that is unfolding, that has been weighing so heavily on our world. The recent outbreak of war is horrific, gutting, heartbreaking. It is hard to know what to say about atrocities that are truly unspeakable, especially if we're just waking up to the depth of the issues at hand. And yet, not speaking about what is complex only serves to uphold unjust systems of power that rely on our complacency. Human beings deserve safety and freedom. As a White, Gentile, non-Arab person, I found myself seen and held in Garrett Bucks' nuanced perspective — I offer it in the hopes that it might be medicine for you too.

👩🏾‍🏫 Rachel Ricketts is offering her amazing workshop, Spiritual Activism 101, for free right now using the code FREEPALESTINE. She is recommending you make a donation to support the humanitarian effort in Gaza as an energetic exchange — I chose to donate to the Palestine Children’s Relief Fund, an organization that has been organizing food, medical care and more in Palestine since 1992.

🛀🏻 Recently loved this podcast conversation between Tressie McMillan Cottom and author Dr. Pooja Lakshmin on real self-care which “requires embracing internal work, [outlined] as four practices: setting boundaries, practicing self-compassion, aligning your values and exercising power.” Transformational stuff here, and touches on why it can be so difficult to choose the things that ultimately support wellbeing in our lives and in our communities.

🏚️ Binge-watched The Fall of the House of Usher this weekend because yes, your humble host is a horror girlie (and slept absolutely terribly the past few nights because of it!! 👻). It’s Succession plus ghosts, and I love that Mike Flanagan’s horror series have so much compassion and grief woven between truly EPIC jump scares. The Vulture has reviews by episode which I always appreciate following along with.

🕊️ A poem because now, maybe more than ever, poetry feels like sustenance.

With love,

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